We had these planners in high school that contained in them a hall pass form, so if you lost it at any point you were screwed and had to constantly rely on asking someone else for their planner every time you had to take a pee in the middle of pre-calc.
I had one class my senior year with my boyfriend-turned ex, and when I was 17 it was all really dramatic — he cheated on me (!) with a 14 year old and told me about it on my 18th birthday. Stupid. All of it. He was too smart for his own good and a pathological liar and very likely bipolar and looking back I just…why? I mean, no regrets, because I learned things, but he was my first boyfriend, my first love, and it’s still a complicated thing to think about.
Anyway, in June of 2006 we’d been broken up for five months and I’d moved on to other boys, and by moved on I mean that I kissed other boys and told my ex about them, because I was 18 and not mature and he’d done the same thing to me. We talked sometimes in that AP English class and I thought I despised him but I was still staring at the back of his neck instead of at the chalkboard.
With three days left of high school he asked to borrow my planner and when I looked at it during study hall he’d written, amongst my pencil swirls and doodles, “I STILL LOVE YOU” right on the divider line between Friday and Saturday. I started sweating and cut the rest of study hall so I could walk home and think about hating him except when I left he was already outside and he gave me a ride home and I didn’t mention it.
